


From The Rubble I Will Build My Home

by SpaceAceKaiju



Series: The World Begun Anew [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, Getting Together, M/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-War, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-11-09 13:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11105820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceAceKaiju/pseuds/SpaceAceKaiju
Summary: The Breach is closed, the world is saved, yet there is still so much left to do. Newt and Hermann are left to sort out everything they've left unsaid, and to find their place in a world post-Kaiju. Newt struggles with romantic guilt, Hermann tries to bridge the gap, and Vanessa just wants her boys to be happy. Meanwhile Tendo deals with hypocrisy and fatherhood, and Alison routinely gives everyone who needs one a swift kick in the ass. They need each other, and somehow come together to form a family unlike one they've ever known.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here it is. The Big One. Also the first one on this account? I've had this story cooking for about a year now, and now I feel ready to share it. It's gonna be a long haul for sure, and I'll do my best to update regularly. Feedback is super welcome and appreciated!!!

         As the clock stopped to the joyous screams and tears of the Shatterdome, time seemed to slow down. Hermann, still riding on the high from his drift with Newton and their completely impossible victory, took a moment to breathe. His mind was still connected with his lab partner’s; he could feel the rapid stream of consciousness pounding against his skull as an equal amount of words spilled from the biologist’s mouth. There was relief, excitement, grief and fear mixed into a terrifying cocktail of emotion Hermann didn’t have the energy to analyze. One thought wormed its way through the rest, so urgent and pleading that Hermann realized it was one of his own.  
         Vanessa.  
         Without a word to anyone he spun on his heel and left the control room, ignoring the confused and squeaky shout of his name behind him. The halls were flooded with cheering and crying staff, a few trying to engage him, but Hermann brushed through while desperately fumbling for the phone (he hoped) was still in his pocket. He almost cried when he felt the hunk of plastic intact in his hand, shakily pressing the speed dial that would connect him to his wife.  
         A relatively empty hallway was easier to find than he expected; most everyone has congregated elsewhere to celebrate their shared survival. Every part of his body pounded as the phone rang, until it was cut off by a smooth, rich voice.  
         “Hermann? What’s going on?”  
          Hermann’s entire body sagged with relief against the wall, his voice catching as he spoke.  
          “It’s over. We…we won.”  
           And Hermann Gottlieb, coder of the first Jaeger, cried together with his wife.

* * *

            He spent the better part of half an hour filling Vanessa in on what had happened; the news outlets were only just starting to get bits and pieces. He choked through reporting on those who had fallen in the battle, the gravity of their absence only just starting to hit him. She kept him steady, reminding him to breathe and God he was so grateful to have her, to still be here to come home to her. There was so much to talk about and plan, but a hand on his shoulder startled him from his thoughts.  
           “Dr. Gottlieb, I’m sorry to interrupt but we need to get you to medical immediately.” Hermann stared blankly at the medic, Jenkins, his brain supplied for him, before sighing heavily and tasting blood on his tongue. Right. Hardly a moment to breathe before bureaucracy steps in. But Jenkins was right, there was no telling what that garbage drift had done to his brain; Lord knows he’s already got enough faulty wiring up there. There was nothing to do but promise Vanessa he was alright, that he would call her as soon as he was released and follow Jenkins down to the medbay.  
            It was no surprise to see Newt sitting on one of the tables, leg bouncing anxiously as a few medics flitted around him. He raised a hand to Hermann when he entered, his lopsided grin doing nothing to convince the mathematician he was fine. Hermann knew Newt hated going to medical, and with all the time he’d spent in hospitals as a kid Hermann could hardly fault him for that. Newt had also done two horribly dangerous drifts, so he was being poked and prodded more than usual. They didn’t speak to each other as the blood tests, MRIs and eye examinations proceeded. Their clothes had to be destroyed due to their exposure to Kaiju Blue; Newt whined about his leather jacket while Hermann resignedly handed over his cane. He had a spare, naturally, but it was the principle of the thing. Oddly enough that was a thought he and Newt shared.  
           A few hours and a change of clothes later, both K-scientists were released with relatively clean bills of health, several bandages and future checkups notwithstanding. The pair stood in silence for a few moments, breathing in the calm as music from the likely dubbed, “holy fuck we’re alive,” party echoed down the hall. Hermann could feel Newton’s eyes on him, as well as a cacophony of uncertain emotions directed his way. They both wanted to say something, anything, but neither could find the words. Who could, at a time like this?  
           “So, uh,” Newt broke the silence, as expected, “you wanna see if the techs found the Kaidonovsky’s hidden booze stash yet?” Hermann turned to meet his gaze, hopeful and concerned. He sighed deeply, the weight of loss starting to weigh down his shoulders. He knew what Newt meant, to pay respects and celebrate. That’s what they would have wanted.  
            “If it’s gone before we get there, there will be words,” he finally replied, beginning his stride down the hall. Newt caught up moments later, a genuine grin on his face.  
            “Nobody’s gonna be safe from you, dude! Just take your cane and-“ He made a few terrible sound effects and mimed something he’d probably seen in a samurai movie, “-BAM! Everyone’s got sore shins for days.” Hermann snorted, and his partner laughed. “What? I know that shit hurts more than anyone else!”  
            “Perhaps if you stopped doing things to purposefully draw my ire,” Hermann snapped back, “then you wouldn’t know the feeling so well.” Newt staggered back, faking a pain in his heart.  
            “Herms, you wound me! As if your terrible sense of humor is my fault.” Hermann rolled his eyes and grumbled a retort, falling into perfect stride with his lab partner as they bickered their way down to the main bay. The unease between them slowly melted away, a familiarity tainted with a bit of uncertainty replacing it.

             The two scientists emerged into a sea of drinking and dancing, their coworkers swept up in the energy of their victory. Navigating their way through the crowd was difficult, but they were rewarded with the techs of Cherno Alpha presenting them each with a stiff glass of the Russian’s finest hidden moonshine. Hermann took tentative sips, savoring the flavor and grateful he’d neglected to wear the parka the couple gave him when he went to Newton’s aid. At least he’d still have some link to them when the bottle went dry.  
             Hermann stayed close to the wall with the bottle, having lost Newt to the draw of the dance floor as soon as the shorter man had knocked back his second glass. He could feel Newt’s energy still, mixing with his own adrenaline rush that was steadily fading. After an hour or so the familiar tired ache he carried with him started to rear its head, and briefly Hermann wondered how long was appropriate to stay at the party. He wanted to sleep, to call Vanessa again, but a few more minutes probably couldn’t hurt.  
             As the crowd ebbed and flowed, a small patch opened up that granted Hermann a direct line of sight to Newt. He was dancing enthusiastically with Tendo, the latter making up for his lacking abilities. He locked eyes with the Commander, who gave him a small smile before nudging Newt and saying a few words. The biologist bobbed his way through the mass of people to Hermann’s side, leaning against the wall with him.  
            “How you doing, Herm-my-man?” he asked a bit breathlessly. His face was flushed from activity and alcohol, and Hermann found it hard to wrench his eyes away. Instead he cleared his throat, shifting a bit on his feet.  
            “I’ve been better, truthfully,” he replied. “As entertaining as watching you drunkenly trip over yourself on the dance floor is, I feel it’s time for me to retire.”  
            “Want me to walk you back? You’ve had a few yourself, Mr. Prim and Proper.”  
            “I’m going to ignore the insult and accept.”  
            “Cool,” Newt pushed himself off the wall, stretching a bit, “I was thinking the same thing, sans the jab at my dancing skills, as fun as this all is.”  
            “Using the word skills is a bit of a stretch,” Hermann said with a smirk as they navigated their way out of the Jaeger Bay. Newt simply waved him off as they settled back into their routine. Their gaits matched eerily close, making it nearly impossible for Hermann to ignore how close Newt was to him. The man radiated warmth in innumerous ways, and Hermann found himself drifting closer. They’d never talked about this thing they had together, their not-quite relationship that was a bit too close to be called friendship. This was mostly because until today, apparently, neither realized that these feelings were mutual. It was awfully enlightening to see yourself being stared at longingly through someone else’s eyes, and yet neither of them had yet to say a word. Hermann felt partly to blame; he knew he could come off as cold at the best of times, which was doubtlessly deterring Newt from bringing up the subject now. That left, naturally, one solution.  
             The two didn’t speak much as they walked back to Hermann’s room. Newt looked more and more uncomfortable until they finally reached the door, laughing nervously as Hermann fiddled with the lock.  
             “Well, uh, I should probably go? Be a good idea to crash in my room instead of on the floor of the Jaeger Bay, right? Cool, see you tomorrow.” Before he could dash off, Hermann gently grabbed his lower arm. Newt looked at him, confused and… afraid? Hermann took a deep breath, locking eyes with him.  
             “Stay with me tonight, Newton,” he said softly. The biologist stared at him in shock, jaw slack, until he recovered with a stuttered,  
             “Nah, dude. You need the space, and your couch is super uncomfortable-“  
             “Newton.” A gentle hand on his cheek brought Newt back from the edge of rambling panic. “I’m only asking for you company, nothing more.” Newt relaxed slightly at that, still looking somewhat on edge and shaking off Hermann’s hand.  
             “Well, you’re not gonna get any rest that way. I snore like a motherfucker, do calisthenics in my sleep-“  
             “For God’s sake, Newton, am I being too subtle?”  
             “About what???” Hermann sighed deeply, for the umpteenth time since meeting the biologist.  
             “I want you to stay with me because I have feelings for you. Romantic feelings. And despite this doubtlessly being revealed during our drift, clearly someone needed to come out and say it. So I am.”

             A tense silence fell between the two men. Newt’s face seemed to be going through several phases of shock, delight and terror simultaneously. Hermann simply steeled himself, waiting for Newton to say something. After a few minutes, Newt shifted awkwardly on his feet and cleared his throat.  
             “... So…” He mumbled, “You really felt all that, huh?”  
             “It was a rather life-threatening invasion of privacy,” Hermann replied dryly. “Truthfully, I would have much rather had this discussion occur organically.”  
             “Yeah, not quite the best way to bring it up, huh?” Newt laughed half-heartedly. Hermann hummed in agreement, only for silence to fall again.   “What now?” Newton asked.  
              “I’d much like to go to bed and discuss things further in the morning, if that suits you,” Hermann said, punching in the code for his room. “My offer still stands-“ Suddenly Newt’s hand was on his face, the biologist closing the distance between their lips. Both of their minds exploded with relief and delight as they softly kissed, yet Hermann felt a quiet, nagging feeling underneath.  
              Newt pulled away as quickly as he’d come, rushing off down the hall without another word. Hermann watched him, motionless, as the unpleasant undertone he’d felt gave itself a name; guilt. Reluctant and confused, the mathematician vanished into his quarters.

              Elsewhere, Newton Geiszler hid alone in his room and cried.


	2. Chapter 2

            Hermann doesn’t see Newton for three days, which was remarkable considering they shared a very small workspace. Mako gave him sympathetic looks when Raleigh said he’d just missed Newt in the mess hall. There were no responses from knocks at the biologist’s door. He even waited in the lab past midnight to no avail. Hermann knew he was being avoided but had no idea why. He absentmindedly sorted his reports for archiving, running the drift and their kiss through his mind over and over. Had he interpreted something incorrectly? Newton initiated their kiss, it was clearly something he wanted but refused to follow through with. Hermann was familiar with his self-esteem issues, he had a few of them himself, could those be blinding the man from the obvious?

            Or could he have just been wrong? The thought gave Hermann pause. How much of his own affections had he projected onto Newton? Their drift was literally supported by garbage; it was entirely possible that things had not been as clear-cut as he’d thought. Guilt crashed over Hermann abruptly. If that was true, then he’d pushed Newton to do something to please him by being too forward. No wonder the other man was avoiding him so adamantly. He sighed heavily, setting his head in his hands. He’d just have to hope Newton would come to him, so he could apologize properly.

* * *

 

            Of all the people Newton had expected to be haunting his doorway, Tendo wasn’t one of them. The technician was slicing an apple with his pocketknife as Newton turned the corner with his hastily acquired lunch. Tendo simply raised an eyebrow at Newton before motioning him over.

            “You and I need to have a chat, my friend.” He said casually, popping an apple slice into his mouth.

            “I know, you’re leaving soon and we haven’t really had a chance to talk about what’s happening next.” Newt said, sagging against the wall. “It’s just that the wrap up work-“

            “Oh no, this is about you avoiding Hermann,” Newt sputtered at the accusation, opening his mouth to protest as Tendo simply raised a finger to shush him. “It’s painfully obvious, brother. Something happened between you two after the party, and it’s time to spill.”

            “I don’t have to spill jack, especially not to the Shatterdome gossip mill.” Newton grumbled.

            “You really think I’m gonna gab about this one? Hermann’s been walking the halls like a zombie, asking everyone if they’ve seen you. You, on the other hand, barely leave your room and have been sneaking around. You guys are my friends, and I want to know what’s going on.” Newton took off his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose with a sigh.

            “I kissed him,” Tendo re-raised eyebrow and said nothing, waiting for Newton to continue. “He wanted me to sleep in his room, just sleep because we were both half dead and kinda gross, and I freaked out and kissed him and ran away.”

            “Did he kiss you back?”

            “Yeah.”

            “So what’s the problem? Besides you pulling a Houdini on him.”

            “What’s the problem?!? He’s married, Tendo!” Newt exclaimed, nearly dropping his sandwich as he flailed his arms. “He and Vanessa are, like, super in love! And here comes Newton the homewrecker, trying to break up Hermann and his completely great and normal marriage by being a complete moron,” He took a shaky breath, fighting back the beginnings of tears. “So, yeah. I was super selfish and kissed him but he needs to forget about me and realize that he loves his wife or whatever.” Tendo was silent for a few minutes, thoughtfully chewing his apple slice before speaking,

            “Listen, I’m going to put this as gently as I can. You’re being stupid.”

            “Oh, shut up.”

            “I’m serious. You’ve been into him for years, done the casual flirting and everything, and he’s never told you to quit it and meant it. He’s doubtlessly seen how you feel in the drift. Yet he invited you in, opened the literal door to talk about the whole thing.”

            “But I-“

            “What, tricked him into liking you? Things don’t work that way, dude.” Newton shifted his gaze to the floor, and Tendo sighed. “You two need to talk, even just to clear the air.”

            “I didn’t want to make things complicated,” Newton said softly. “He loves her so much, Tendo, and I’m just… I’m a mess. He already has something good with her, I don’t want him to lose that.”

            “Vanessa isn’t going anywhere,” Tendo assured, “You’ve been talking to me about your secret crush for forever, who do you think Hermann confides in besides the Russians?” Newton flushed a bit red at that. “If she knows, all the more reason to go talk to Hermann like an adult. Keeping these sorts of things bottled up never ends well; give it a chance to be something good, okay?”

            “Okay, okay. I’ll go find him,” Newton agreed. “If this backfires, I’m gonna kick your ass and become a hermit.”

            “You know where to find me,” Tendo said with a wink. “Now get a move on, he’s in the lab but I’m not sure for how long.” Newton smiled.

            “Thanks, dude.” Tendo made a shooing motion and Newton set off down the hall with a more confident stride. He quietly watched the biologist go, the smile falling from his face once Newton was out of sight. He sighed deeply, pushing off the wall and heading off in the other direction with a much less excited step.

            “Hypocrite.”

* * *

 

            Hermann was sorting through old reports when he heard someone clearing their throat. He looked up to see Newton standing awkwardly in the entryway, one hand anxiously fiddling with a belt loop, as he was prone to do when nervous.

            “Uh, hey,” Newton said, voice cracking only slightly. Hermann stayed silent, and Newton shuffled in place. “Can we talk?”

            “If you promise you’re not going to take off in the middle,” Hermann said softly. Newton nodded.

            “Yeah. I can do that.” Herman motioned to the ratty couch that made up their sitting area, and the two took a seat. It was quiet for a few minutes, neither entirely sure what to say. “I’m sorry for going ghost on you,” Newton said, breaking the silence.

            “I can understand the panic, but you did make me worry,” Hermann replied. “Newton, if I at all made you uncomfortable the other night-“

            “What? No, dude, I was the one making things uncomfortable,” Newton protested. “I’ve been making you uncomfortable for years! This whole disaster was just a cherry on it.”

            “So kissing me was a disaster,” Hermann said stiffly.

            “No! Not at all what I meant,” Newton exclaimed, fidgeting with loose threads in the couch. “Pushing you into liking me was.” Hermann gave Newton a confused look.

            “That’s… You didn’t do anything of the sort.”

            “I knew you were married! But I kept flirting and teasing and got carried away and now you might have a crush on me but you deserve better and I basically tricked you into liking me, the trash man, when Vanessa is amazing and-“

            “Newton,” Hermann interrupted gently, “You didn’t push me into anything. My… affection for you was something that had been developing since the beginning.”

            “…Since we met?”

            “Since we started exchanging letters.” Newt sat slack-jawed for a moment before Hermann continued. “Our first meeting was… frustrating, but I still regarded you as someone important to me afterwards. I struggled with it, having feelings for both you and Vanessa, for a long time.”

            “Did you tell her?” Newton asked quietly.

            “I did. I was so terrified, Newton. I wanted her to understand that my love for her wasn’t any less than it ever was, but that I also wanted you in my life. We spoke extensively, and I came to understand that what I was feeling was not only valid, but also common. I trust you know what I mean.”

            “Polyamory, right?” Hermann nodded. “So, you mean then,” Newton said, “That you want to be married to Vanessa but also… be with me?”

            “Only if you want to,” Hermann replied. “Our friendship as is means a lot to me, and I understand if we don’t want the same thing.”

            “But I do!” Newton blurted out. “I mean, fuck dude, I’ve been crushing on you for so goddamn long it hurts.” Hermann blinked rapidly in surprise at the outburst before smiling softly. “I just… if you didn’t feel the same I didn’t want to make things weird, you know?”

            “I understand completely,” Hermann agreed, “I was concerned about the same thing. But, after the drift…” Silence fell for a moment before Newton laughed.

            “It took the end of the world for us to have a real fucking conversation!” Hermann snorted at that, and soon the two were laughing together. As the laughter died down, Newton ran a hand through his hair. “… If we were to do this, what comes next?” Hermann sighed, gripping and ungrasping his cane.

            “I have plans to move home and take a local laboratory position. After the inevitable press tour, of course. What about you?”

            “I have a couple job offers,” Newton replied, absentmindedly tinkering with an empty glass on the coffee table, “But they’re kind of all over the place. I also don’t really feel ready? Like, I’d love to teach kids about the war someday, since my field will basically end up dead in the water in terms of doing serious study. But the war records won’t be opened for three years at minimum, if they ever do. Wouldn’t surprise me if the government would try to make the whole thing vanish into history.”

            “Not on our watch, they won’t,” Hermann said firmly. “There’s still some work to be done on the kaiju, even if there won’t be any more samples.” Newton shrugged. “And, in terms of work… I’m sure my eventual workplace would be honored to have you.”

            “You really think so? I mean, I guess I could find an apartment-“ Newton caught Hermann’s gaze, and his shoulders fell in realization. “… You want me to move in with you and Vanessa.” Hermann cleared his throat, turning a bit red.

            “Well, er, yes. Seeing as we’ve essentially lived together in different bases for years now, and it would be more cost effective in the longrun-“

            “Only if Vanessa is okay with it.”

            “… I may have spoken to her about it previously.”

            “What?” Newton exclaimed with a laugh. “You dog, you were so sure I’d say yes!” Hermann scowled with a huff.

            “I wanted to have all my bases covered! This conversation was going to be delicate, Vanessa and I had to be on the same page-“

            “Herms, dude, I’m teasing you.”

            “You’re a very cruel man, Dr. Geiszler.” Hermann said with a wiry smirk. “So… will you consider it?”

            “… I’m just gonna say yes before I lose my nerve, actually.” Newton said with a nervous smile. Both men looked at each other for a moment, before Hermann took Newton’s hand in his.

            “Adjusting will take time, but we’ll go slow. Promise me you’ll speak up if ever you’re uncomfortable; communication will be key to making this work.”

            “You have my word, my man.” Newton agreed, lightly squeezing Hermann’s hand in return. “And right now, I really feel like I wanna kiss you again.” Hermann chuckled, leaning in closer.

            “I’m sure we can make that work.”


End file.
